Can't remember where I heard that but it's true. And there is a tendency today to hold our children on a level equal to us as peers. Arguing and back-talking are common place in most homes. Children are told in Ephesians 6 to obey and honor their parents. God promises a blessing if they do. As their parents, we are the ones to teach them how to honor us. We can give them a blessing by doing that.
Unfortunately secular and even "Christian" parenting "experts" tell us to allow our children full expression of their opinions and emotions. We shouldn't stifle them by expecting them to hold their tongues. Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
Question: [My 5 yr old] is now into this accusing thing - "mommy, you forgot my vitamin", "you didn't bring my book", "you didn't finish the paper", etc. Its really getting on my nerves - I ask him to speak to me nicely, and to say it again nicely - like, "mommy, can I have my vitamin" - even though I did forget - he doesn't have to point that out all the time...NOT WORKING! Any suggestions how to handle this would be great!
Answer: Children should not speak to their parents as if they are peers. I would sit down with him and explain that he may only speak to you respectfully. Give him the examples you gave me of being disrespectful and then tell him how you would like for him to speak to you. You could even role-play. Then explain that if he speaks to you disrespectfully again, he will get a spanking for it. No warnings. He's old enough to remember the rule. When he does it, you can ask him, "Are you allowed to speak to me that way?" No "Then what has to happen?" I have to get a spanking. After the spanking and hugs, give him another chance to speak to you the right way. Consistency is key.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Time Warnings and Role Play
When your children are in the middle of an activity but the time is quickly approaching when you will have to announce that the activity they are so engrossed in will soon be coming to an end, there is often the dread of an ensuing temper tantrum. So what do we do? Sometimes we bribe them - "It's time to go home now, but I have a treat for you in the car." Or we try to trick them into thinking what we've decided is a good idea - "Do you want to take your babydoll or book to bed with you?" Neither of these tactics teach your child self-control. Instead, give your child a time warning. "We have to leave in 5 minutes." This gives them time to prepare for the change. And when it is time to go, announce, "Okay, time to go." Expect cheerful compliance. If you don't get it, follow through with the appropriate consequence.
Make a point to practice at home. Tell your child how you expect them to act when you announce a change in activity. Then role-play. You be the child. Let him/her be you. When he/she tells you it's time to go home or time for nap, act the way he/she usually does: throw a fit, run in the opposite direction, cry or whine. Whatever usually happens, you do. But make it even bigger. When you've settled down, tell your child this is not the right way to act. Then do it again the right way. When you are told it's time to go or time for bed (or whatever situation your child struggles with) answer pleasantly and obey quickly. Then talk about how much better it is to act that way. Now let your child be the child and practice obeying you cheerfully!
Let me know how it goes.
Make a point to practice at home. Tell your child how you expect them to act when you announce a change in activity. Then role-play. You be the child. Let him/her be you. When he/she tells you it's time to go home or time for nap, act the way he/she usually does: throw a fit, run in the opposite direction, cry or whine. Whatever usually happens, you do. But make it even bigger. When you've settled down, tell your child this is not the right way to act. Then do it again the right way. When you are told it's time to go or time for bed (or whatever situation your child struggles with) answer pleasantly and obey quickly. Then talk about how much better it is to act that way. Now let your child be the child and practice obeying you cheerfully!
Let me know how it goes.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Interrupting
Would you like to have a conversation without one of your sweet children coming up and interrupting you? Practice this at home with your spouse and kids. Explain to your child (depending on the age) that it is not kind to interrupt someone when they are in the middle of a conversation. Instead teach them they can do 1 of 3 things (you choose) if they would like to talk to you:
1. just stand there beside you
2. put their hand on your arm - then you can put your hand on theirs to acknowledge that you know they are waiting for you
3. tap your arm or side one time.
In all three cases they have to then wait in silence until you get an opportunity to talk to them. Practice this several times at home together and if they forget when you’re out, you could just say, “Go back and try again.”
We're working on this when I'm on the computer.
1. just stand there beside you
2. put their hand on your arm - then you can put your hand on theirs to acknowledge that you know they are waiting for you
3. tap your arm or side one time.
In all three cases they have to then wait in silence until you get an opportunity to talk to them. Practice this several times at home together and if they forget when you’re out, you could just say, “Go back and try again.”
We're working on this when I'm on the computer.
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